Atsui
by GusCGC
Summary: Diego s back ladies! So please, sit down and enjoy the ride! "It's coming down to nothing more than apathy...I'd rather run the other way than stay and see...The smoke and who's still standing when it clears"
1. Dreaming Sun

Author´s note: Ladies and Gentlemen, after a long wait and hard working to finish my career at university, I offer to you Diego´s second adventure in Ice Age: ATSUI!!

Enjoy and review soon.

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**1. Dreaming Sun**

Sunny morning.

Nothing in sight to drive me out of my nap. Me, Diego, the great saber tooth tiger, at last having some deserved peace with my two friends Manny and Sid. Aaw! Now, this is the life.

No babies to take care of, no humans, no blood thirsty creatures around and no... Splassh!

All right, who´s the whise guy who has drench me to the bone? Hu? Ouw, boy! I forgot all about Sid´s water park. Since the ice is melting down, many pools have taken the valley and Sid had this ridiculous idea of making a theme park for all the people around.

I´m starting to think that that sloth thinks that he needs the world to revolve around him. Tssh. No wonder his pack left him behind.

"I´m sorry to say this but I think Sid´s in trouble" Manny gets up. _Buddy, that sloth´s second and pen name is Trouble. Ya can be sure of that._

"When will he grow up?" We start walking towards him.

"I don´t know. Perhaps he likes so much acting like achild that when he grows old, will wear diapers and eat mush" _Beeergg. Now that´s really scary!_

Some kids have buried Sid leaving out his head, _Baby, now I have someone to admire! He hehehe._

"Hey, kids. Who said you could torture the sloth?" Manny looks at the boys.

"Manny, don't squash their creativity" This is a master piece.

"Hey, Manny, Diego, my bad mammals-jammmals. Want to give a sloth a hand?" Sid looks at us. _How about a trunk and a pummel? _The mammoth grabs him and picks him out." Look, I opened my camp! _Campo del Sid_. It means Camp of Sid." _How genuine._

"Congratulations. You're now an idiot in *two* languages." He can´t take care of himself, how can he take care of children.

"Shh! Not in front of the K-I-D-Z. These little guys love me. Right, Billy?" Sid looks at one of the them. _Do they?_

"Don't make me eat you." _Gimme your autograph._

"Ah, they kid. That's why they're called "kids"!" He shrugges his shoulders

"I told you, Sid. You are not qualified to run a camp" Manny seems to agree with me. _And he means mentally._

"What qualifications have to do with childcare?" He doesn´t sees Billy pulling a rope around his legs. "Besides, this kids look up to me. I´m a model to them." One, two three. Push to the ground.

"I can see that" I smile wide open. _A model of how not be be when they grow up._

"You guys I can´t do anything but I´m an equal member of this herd." He gets up. _Goorsh! The first rational words I´m going to heard from Sid! Now this is something to remember... Hmm. Maybe not. _"I made this herd so you should treating me with some respect" He jumps away with a deep frown.

"Sid" We both look at him.

"Sid" I´m sure it´s just a tantrum. "We were just kiddin"

"Hey! Let´s play tail to the mammoth" Says Billy. Oh oh.

"SID!" We both shout. Now is good time to improvise.

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Ha haha!

Now this is fun!

Poor Diego, his problems have just started! This episode goes to Jacko Jackson. Vaya por Dios!

Next stop: Ass bonker


	2. Ass Bonkers

Author's note: Finally! After all the waiting, all the ink wasted… Diego is back! Am glad to be again with my good old friend. Go super sabertooth!

Thanks for the reviews!

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**2. Ass Bonkers**

Don't ask me how we have ended like this. Not even in my worst nightmares, I have dreamed of being hunted down by a pack of crazy kids. Big Tiger!

"And so, in the end, the little burro reached his mommy, and they lived happily ever after." Manny telling a bed time story. You guys must see it to believe it.

The kids start cheering. _Now that was close shave. _"Good job." I smile to Manny. _Thanks for the rescue team, Walt Disney. Oh, brother! One of them has lifted a hand._

"Question. Why does the burro go home? Why doesn't he stay with the rabbits?" Some kids are as sharp as a marble.

"I think he should go with the girl burro. That's a better love story." Says a little bird. _Yeah, and maybe your mothers should have told you what happily ever after means: No Hollywood versions._

"Okay. Well, when you tell your burro story, that's what he'll do." Manny trying to not lose his temper.

"Burro is a demeaning name. Technically it's called a wild ass." More comments. And technically you are a burro with a horn. Why do kids these days go so spoiled?

"Fine. The wild ass boy went home to his wild ass mother" The kids start laughing. Memo: NEVER be politically correct. "See, that's why I called it a burro!" I let out a little giggle and Manny gives me a killer look. Sorry.

"Can the burro have a grazing problem? Then he'd more relatable." Oh, brother. We mess up with the Hollywood critics.

"Boring" Says another.

"Is not believable." Good deer steak! Who let the Looney Tunes out?

"Do burros eat their young?" No, but I eat pesky kids for lunch

"It's not a very satisfying ending." Good grief! Now I know why your mothers left you with Sid. TO GET RID OF YOU!

"Sometimes I throw up" Ok, that's it! I think if Manny doesn't kill anyone now, he'll deserve a luxury room in heaven.

"They lived happily ever after. You can't get more satisfying than that." Now he is REALLY mad. "One big happy family. That's the way is supposed to be."

"Then, where is your happy family?" Ups. That is getting too deep, kid. Wrong question. Time to finish story telling time.

"Then the hungry tiger ate the pesky little kids." Finally! I was going to explode! "You're ok, buddy?"

"Sure, why not?" Manny walks away.

"I just thought…" I must say I feel like a bug under his feet.

"Story time's over. The end." Cold glance. Two kids run past us. Now what?

"Get out of the way! Run for your lives!" Oh, great.

"Hey, where's everybody going?" Manny stops them.

"The world's coming to an end!" Say, WHAT?

"What are you talking about?" Who was the wise guy?

"Fast Tony- He says the world is gonna flood!" Hurray! First, the crazy kids and now, that crazy salesman. Anyone else wants to join the party?

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The things are getting really weird.

Go, Diego, go!

Next Stop: Wet Menace


End file.
